Bought some new ice when the feds came
THE WAR REPORT
This week’s apparel updates can be put together to make a very dope outfit that would look great on anyone! Plus, Morgan Wallen sucks and dresses like Shit! Read on for more!
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
I Hate Mondays Tee by Murder or Die
It was late at night at Casey Moore’s and across the smoke-filled patio is a graphic tee that dreams are made of - the bloodied face of Two Time, Broken Nose Book, Former Sacramento Mayor Kevin Johnson (piece of shit), S.T.A.T., and Sir Charles in Pen and Pixel style. Turns out we just discovered Murder or Die, a skate brand with collaborative roots between Phoenix (our former homebase) and Detroit (another former homebase). The graphics all go harder than anybody has any business going inspired by iconic 90s Shit and a general “Fuck Y’All” attitude. Bugz n Taz, Mickey D’s, Attitude-Era WWF, NBA logo flips! They hit every note TWR sang back when we were young with added swear words and middle fingers. Whether you’re on the tough streets of Detroit, the sweet liberal enclave of Tempe, or any other battlefield worldwide, Murder your outfit or Die a thousand deaths of embarrassment.
LOWER UNIFORM
90s Jeans in Washed Blue by Power Goods
Another risk rewarded. A while back we were doing some Denim Reconnaissance across the far reaches of the internet, specifically hunting for options with a nice vintage fit and lighter wash. We stumbled upon Blacksmith Store, a British purveyor of Brilliant Basics directly sourced from the manufacturers themselves. They’ve got all the Premium Basics you actually need, not the mass-marketed bullshit all over your Instagram ads. Blacksmith is a great source for brands that can be hard to come by on the homefront AND they offer a fine selection of Dope Trousers. These Power Goods 90s jeans looked Intriguing but we’d never heard of this brand or shop before. As previously mentioned, Blacksmith Store is a UK operation, so copping some jeans sight unseen is a very risky maneuver. We Won. The jeans fit pretty much perfectly - roomy without being Baggy AF, a subtle taper to display your footwork, and exactly the light denim wash we were after. We went back for the other colors shortly afterwards AND recently re-upped on all three. Our first pairs were branded Power House (hard) but it appears they’ve switched to Power Goods (less hard). They produce a wide array of Good Garms (very Intriguing) so we Strongly Encourage giving them a glance the next time you need a lil something.
FOOTWEAR
Moab 3 Waterproof by Merrell
Most tactical footwear transcends the concepts of Cool and Wack. You need to protect your feet on Rugged missions, so purpose-made footwear is best left to the experts. Merrell is one of those experts and the Moab is one of those transcendent garms. It is Not Cool. But it’s definitely not Wack. Is it Boring? Nothing this Hard can be Boring! It’s a hallmark of the trails and Outdoorsy homies who trod them for good reason. The waterproof version is still breathable enough for an early summer rainy day as well as a fall downpour (finding a year-round stomper is important when evaluating a tactical piece of footwear). The Vibram sole is like an ATV on your feet. And you can get them in Cool makeups if you really need to feel different from the Normies.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
There is no Soldier of the Week this week. Please see Enemy of the Week for further information.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Morgan Wallen and Roger Clemons and Drake
This video shook The War Report to its very core. The War Effort is at a more critical juncture than even we could have imagined. We’re not ready to say the War is being lost, but we’ve received a wake up call that we’re at the brink.
Behaving like that is a Target for another day. Today’s about dressing like an asshole. The hat? Morgan Wallen tour merch. You know how it’s generally agreed to be a Wack move if you wear the band’s t-shirt to their concert? We’re not sure how to classify it when the band wears Their Own shit while they perform. Pathetic? Sad? Cringe? Turbo Fried?
On to the KID ROCK vintage t-shirt. Morgan is not subtle and it’s unclear if that’s because he doesn’t care or because he’s a Massive Idiot. We’ll put a finer point on it - Kid Rock is a devout and vocal MAGA Bootlicker. He’s a noted racist and homophobe and transphobe and all around piece of shit. What message is Morgan sending by wearing this on the first night of his big new tour?
Ripped jeans in 2025? TWR doesn’t know anything about honky culture but cowboy boots Never Ever look cool.
Roger Clemens, who came out of retirement to spend two years helping the Astros win Nothing, looks just as confused as the rest of us. Why are you there, dude? Morgan couldn’t get an actual Astros legend like Jeff Bagwell of Craig Biggio?
But the bunker buster was delivered by Aubrey “Drake” Graham. The War Report has long been Team Drake given his presence on two of the Biggest Bangers of all time. This cheeky Canadian Tuxedo with cowboy boots tells us everything about him. Yes, he’s always been Wack and Cringe and Lame but the music’s always been Good and he clearly leaned hard into the Pop Star Blueprint For Staying Culturally Relevant. No More. He is the ultimate culture vulture and this moment was the perfect encapsulation. Aubrey is from Canada but adopted Houston because it is a legendary hip hop hub and gave him cred. The denim getup, signifying his Canadian roots, pairs with cowboy boots to let us know he knows exactly what he’s doing. It’s time to disavow this False Idol and see him for who he really is: A Bitch. Linking up with Morgan Wallen, current megastar, to keep himself relevant even though Morgan Wallen doesn’t like His Kind and neither do his Fans. Kendrick really really won.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.
Kendrick stays winning. Bootcut over bootlicker every time, man.