Dress it up and make it real for me
THE WAR REPORT
This week features headwear for Ballers Only, a 2-for-1 recommendation for your legs, a Football Shirt of your dreams, and a couple of Interesting(?) Dressers(?)/People(?).
TACTICAL UPDATES
HEADWEAR
Baseball Cap in Baystripe by Archie for Mount Analog Bookshop
NINETY FIVE AMERICAN DOLLARS FOR A BASEBALL CAP????????? Yes. And it could easily be more. This is a real Stunna from a brand we probably wouldn’t have known about if not for our friends at Understory in Oakland. The Good Homie linked up with Archie for a true Three Hundred and Sixty Degree partnership, consisting of bespoke retail experience within Understory featuring curated reading materials for the modern adventurer accompanied with an assortment of embroidered-on-Camber merch and truly exquisitely crafted baseball hats. We copped the Baystripe jawn to add a little color to our Headwear Locker, but also for the interesting mashup of Japanese wool and linen. It’s a Banging early summer cap that’s lightweight and breathable. The brim isn’t quite Long but it’s also not Regular, which is a nice little flex. The War Report lives by a simple motto: “No Basic”. Regarding the price, we can’t help but laugh when a Pleb is shocked at how much a Real Garment costs. Mark Smith Clarke, founder of Archie, sources his materials directly from Japan, makes his patterns by hand, and produces everything in New York City. If that is not enough for you, perhaps you would like to try a different piece of headwear?
UPPER UNIFORM
Rodney Square Soccer Jersey by Kinetic Skateboarding
Everyone’s making a football shirt these days, and that’s a good thing. The football shirt, or sawker jersey for a lot of y’all, is The Perfect casual sports jersey. Most of them are cut like a t-shirt or polo so it’s really easy to stunt with your everyday attire without looking like a Fucking Loser. What’s more, they keep you comfortable and breezy no matter the conditions thanks to the (normally) sportified textiles. Support club or country, rep Brand or Company, or Support Your Local. This Kinetic kit has it all - an all-over brick pattern inspired by their local plaza, a contrast collar for a touch of refinement, a Banging chest hit, and it’s manufactured by a Proper football kit supplier so you know it’s ready for any Operation. Kinetic is one of the most important shops we have today. Kinetic serves their local Delaware community but also the broader effort to keep The War Effort supplied. This jersey is a glimpse into their steady drip of Really Great Shit. The Kinetic crew is full of Good People and they are never shy to bring a Perspective to the world. Wear This Shit with Pride because you are supporting one of the Realest Ones our Battalion will ever have.
LOWER UNIFORM
Smith Summit Cargo Pant by Nike ACG
“What pants are those?” always gives us goosebumps no matter how often we hear it. Oh, these? Yeah, believe it or not they’re Nike. ACG, to be exact. And they’re Great Pants. But they’re also Great Shorts. These aren’t your dorky neighbor’s zip off jawns. They’re Ours. A roomy cut, heavy textile with a little stretch, reinforced knees, big ass cargo pockets, a belt loop carabiner, built-in belt, drawcords at the hem, and several nice colorways. They can protect you from ticks when you’re out on the trail just as well as they can protect you from road rash when you’re out in the streets. When the block gets too hot you can zip off them legs and let the gams breathe. The price is not insignificant, we know, but the quality is absolutely top notch and, remember, they are TWO garms in one! The War Report will always steer you toward Fiscal Responsibility despite our inability to implement this in our own battles. Do as we say, not as we do, and you will be a Real Soldier too.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
West Wilson
Alright y’all enough is enough. He was our Enemy of the Week just over one month ago, but he’s come all the way back around in such a short period of time thanks in no small part to his Relentless Haters. We’re not updating our previous reporting on his Weaponization of Style, but we have no choice but to step in and back him up at this point. The guy has apologized in every different way he could via every different medium available and has shown a degree of self awareness we’ve probably NEVER seen from a Bravo Boy. Whether or not he changes his ways is moot - he has expressed a genuine understanding of his part in the ordeal and given sincere apologies to people who continue pummeling him in public. Ciara and Paige have emotions tied up in this that drives their vendetta against him but the rest of us should be able to evaluate this objectively. West, The War Report is with you in this battle. Our message of support won’t reach him unless he unblocks us on Instagram. If anyone has that level of pull it would be much appreciated. Also, please stop telling us you could see us wearing the sunflower pants. Yes, they are decent pants, ok?
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Cordano Russell
There’s nothing more embarrassing than pulling up to the function looking like you just copped that weird matching set 30 minutes beforehand. Well, maybe skating a contest looking like a mannequin at Niketown is worse. Unsurprisingly, the skateboarding matches the kit to perfection. Twitter already had it’s way with Cordano so we will keep it brief. As a card carrying member of the Fakie Alliance, we fear he might be doing severe damage to The Cause.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.