I Wanna Know, Have You Ever Seen The Garms?
Someone told me long ago / There's a calm before the storm / I know, it's been comin' for some time / When it's over, so they say / It'll rain a sunny day / I know, shinin' down like water
Soldiers have been begging us for the best garms to stay dry in the horribly disgusting rainy season, and TWR is here to serve. This week is the survival guide for miserable conditions - a jacket, pant, and boots to keep you Outside no matter what falls from the skies above. The Soldier of the Week is also braving the Element(s), and the Enemy of the Week is raining a different kind of stuff from the skies (bombs, it’s bombs).
💥TUESDAY MEANS WAR💥
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
Torrentshell 3L Rain Jacket by Patagonia
Some circles derisively call it PataGucci, a play on the supposed high prices one must pay for garms featuring the iconic Patagonia logo. If you’re in that circle, get your ignorant ass out of it Immediately! From beachwear to rain gear to their iconic climbing apparel, Patagonia garms are some of the absolute best that money can buy. Not only are they made to withstand everything Nature can throw at them, but they do it through years and years and tough wear. And when you inevitably rip through something on a rugged mission, they have an entire section of their site dedicated to DIY repairs to get your garms back to working order. What’s more, their trade-in program offers Soldiers a chance to offload the old and cop something new, and they sell the used gear via their site for those who understand the importance of getting every last wear out of each article of clothing to stop clogging up the landfills and creating more damaging waste for our planet. The Torrentshell is as good as it gets for an everyday rain jacket, designed for utility and versatility. It’s waterproof with pit zips for breathability, packs down into its pocket with a carabiner loop for stowage, and offered in a host of earthy colors to suit all Soldiers. You can’t find a better rain jacket for under $200, and you couldn’t possibly find a better company to give your hard-earned money. Thanks, Yvon!
LOWER UNIFORM
Threshold Pant by Mountain Hardwear
Mountain Hardwear has been in the game for over three decades, earning a reputation as one of the best adventure outfitters with designs mixing a little funk with the usual outdoor sensibilities. These Threshold pants have been our go-to rain jawns for a while thanks to their visual simplicity and their plethora of smart design features. They’re packable to bring along on those annoying days when the weather gets a little schizo, back and forth between sun breaks and downpours all too familiar to Soldiers in the PNW. An elastic waist with a drawcord for sizing helps them to fit over top of just about any pair of pants you stepped out in, and long ¾ length zips up the sides make them a breeze to put on and take off over even the burliest boots. Snap closures at the waist and hem add to the easiness you need in a utility garm, as well as ensuring they stay secure through all elements. At $150, they pack all the features of a more expensive pant without any fake bells and whistles or logos that could cause them to go for twice the price. Once again, TWR brings you bang for your buck as only we can.
FOOTWEAR
Ankle Deck Boot by XTRATUF
We don’t usually go for garms that are All Substance and No Style, but the XTRATUF Deck Boot is exactly that. There’s no flash and no real features to speak of. XTRATUF made their name on the feet of commercial fisherman throughout Alaska and the PNW, known for their waterproof rubber exterior and neoprene inner lining to keep absolutely everything out and those toes clean and dry. The consumer boots are no different, featuring the iconic slip-resistant Chevron outsole and waterproof elements, but with a design better suited for Soldiers who spend their time on land and trudging through puddles. The only frill on these is pull tabs on the front and rear to make them easy to slip on when the moment calls. Keep it simple, Soldiers!
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Vincent Milou
We spent a lot of time not paying attention to Vincent Milou. We don’t follow the contest circuit, of which Vincent is a dominant part, and we certainly didn’t give any attention to Pizza Skateboards when they were still around, so Vincent fell squarely into one of our many blind spots. This week, Pocket featured Vincent on their terrific “Followed” series, and we were pleasantly surprised to find out that Vincent is a humble chiller with a great attitude and even better style. Seeing him cycling through Paris and hitting spots with his homies fresh off his SLS win was a lovely view. Of course his skating is great, but we were struck by his excellent outfit. He took the Paris streets in a crisp black adidas trackie paired with pleated khakis and Superstars - simple, clean, and perfectly baggy. He’s in the running for skateboarding’s best hair, and it stayed fresh throughout a day of skating and cycling. Vincent recently joined the heavy-hitters on Element’s European squad and we’re no doubt in for a banging new chapter in his career. We’ll be paying attention from now on!
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Alex Karp
The CEO of Palantir Surveillance-Murder Corporation has spent his years in the public eye trying to craft a Free Thinking Progressive persona with a philosophical bent and an impoverished upbringing. Perhaps that was all true at one point in time, but Karp unmasked himself as just another Billionaire Piece Of Shit working to enslave everyday people through Artificial Intelligence along with all the others that enabled the 2024 Trump takeover of the American government. His visibility has been at an all-time high, and we are simply loving the combination of hilarious outfits with insane quotes and his total inability to maintain any facade he used to have. Just like all the rest, he’s a Silicon Valley Loser who can’t look people in the eye, doesn’t know how to sit in chairs, and is desperate to be powerful and liked. His latest quotes include, “there is nothing wrong with being a high testosterone male” and, “If fentanyl was killing 60,000 Yale grads instead of 60,000 working class people, we’d be dropping a nuclear bomb on whoever was sending it from South America.” First of all, the fent is coming from China. Second of all, anyone decrying the treatment of high-T males is the opposite of a high-T male. This guy dresses like a Loser, talks like a Loser, and owns every piece of data that exists on every single one of us. As we’ve wondered many times, how did the biggest fucking Losers in the history of humanity get all the power? How do we get it back? Much to consider, but we’ll figure it out together.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.
Fuck p*l* ntir