INFANTRY ANALYSIS: Soldiers and Enemies of the Week
Men of Valor, Men of Shame
So many men, so little time. We can’t pick just one Soldier each week since there are so many Men of Valor out there, a wonderful statement to make considering the contrasting plethora of Disgraceful Assholes bringing shame to the rest of us. And that’s why we can’t just have on Enemy of the Week! The Infantry Analysis highlights the good, bad, and Shitty happening around the world of dudes, from Banging Fits to Ignorant Pricks and everything in between.
Salute to all the Commandos putting in work with Fits, Vibrations, Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Outspokenness 🫡 And Fuck You to all the Wack Idiots making the world a worse place 🖕
SOLDIERS of the WEEK
Familia Skate Shop
Familia’s one of the best in the motherfuckin’ business when it comes to shop graphics adorning garms and decks. Their home turf of Minnesota is under siege by the Trump Regime at the moment, its streets occupied by the Fuhrer’s secret police and citizens being murdered at in broad daylight. Many businesses shy away from sensitive topics, but Familia Skate Shop has been leading from the front since the early moments of the DHS onslaught of their hometown. From speaking out against the presence of ICE in the city to participating in the statewide shutdown to offering free skating at their indoor park to provide desperately needed community in a time of need, they’re giving voice to the issues and leaving no doubt where they stand. We’d expect nothing less from one of the best. Cop something from them to keep them doing the Important Shit.
Commendation: Ice Breakers
Celta Vigo
Celta Vigo striker Borja Iglesias has been a longtime victim of homophobic abuse since he began painting his nails black to support BLM back in 2020. He has continued painting his nails in defiance of the slurs, bringing more light to the mistreatment of the LGBTQ+ community and making other statements with his polish. He was hounded with slurs and threats during and after a recent win over Sevilla. In response, Celta Vigo’s supporters and players rallied around their star Soldier and turned out to their next match with Rayo Vallecano with painted nails aplenty. This was a wonderful show of solidarity with the LGBTQ+ community, a statement that there is no place for homophobia in football, and a sad reminder of how far we still have to go to make sure all human beings are treated with respect and love.
Commendation: The Allies
Charlie McAvoy
Despite being unbelievably Not tapped into hockey and its associated “culture,” we’re covering an NHLer for the second week in a row. Unlike last week’s Piece of Shit, this week we have an absolute fucking Soldier to salute. In the wake of HBO’s hit Heated Rivalry, teams taking the ice in support of Pride have been fielding questions on the topic. Charlie McAvoy of the Boston Bruins was asked about his team’s “Hockey Is For Everyone” night and the popularity of the show, to which he replied, “I’ve heard so much support from people within those communities, that this means a lot to them. So it’s the least that we can do to show our support and show that we’re all on the same team.” Most athletes take a more cautious approach to public comments on sensitive issues, but McAvoy has been a public advocate as far back as 2023 when he marched in the Boston Pride parade. Respect.
Commendation: Decent Defenseman
Andrew Luecke
Cultural commentary, fakie flips, and banging fits. Andrew brings it all. Most importantly, he’s a father that’s undertaking the important job of raising the next generation to be Good and Kind and Loving. There’s nothing more critical to The War Effort than that.
Commendation: Swag Daddy
Matt Militano
We kept confusing Matt Militano with Matt Milligan for way too long. Both are undeniably sick! While Milligan was recently inducted into the Florida Skateboard Hall of Fame for his storied career in the 90s and 2000s, Militano is the currently dominating technical genius that’s pumping out stunning footage for Sci Fi Fantasy and Cons. He’s been putting in the Hard Work for over a decade and we’re glad he’s finally getting the coverage he deserves for those downright shocking manual and ledge combinations. The new part for Free Skate Mag had it all, but the wallride variations had us running it back early and often. Militano’s been bubbling to the surface for years so watch out for him to blow in 2026.
Commendation: Courageous Combinations
ENEMIES of the WEEK
Puka Nacua
Took the L after showing up like this. It’s been a weird season for the wide receiver, where he led the league in receptions and made the Pro Bowl on the field but met plenty of controversy off of it. He livestreamed in the locker room, a major violation, and lied about it when confronted. Then he went on a Nazi streamer’s stream and promised to do an antisemitic touchdown dance. Nacua later said he didn’t know the gesture was antisemitic, but the damage was done. Perhaps next year he’ll just stay away from anything related to streaming, and also get a better stylist.
Danger Warning: weak stream
Nick Fuentes
The worst asshole on the internet has been working hard lately to support deceased pedophile sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein. He’s been debating whether the ages of Epstein’s victims actually constitute pedophilia, in line with previous comments he’s made about favoring women under the age of 18 (let us be clear: that is pedophilia). His most recent play was stealing Epstein’s look, donning the iconic quarterzip worn by the dead piece of shit that proudly displayed his monogrammed initials. Nick’s says USA, of course, but do not be fooled. The right has been coming together to sweep the Epstein situation under the rug and shift focus elsewhere following the groundswell of support and Congressional mandate to release the documents late last year. Some, like Fuentes, are even beginning to speak about Epstein in positive tones! For Fuentes, everything is just treated as a meme and every opportunity for attention and shock is a good one. For the mainstream, they just pivot with each move of the cult leader, who is no longer even mentioning the Epstein situation in hopes that it goes away. We can’t let these cosplaying losers win! Tell them to release the files and stop dressing like Shit!
Danger Warning: Nazi pedophile
Craig Conover
Craig is another in a long line of Bravo men with zero self awareness and even fewer brain cells that drive us to tune in and hate watch year after year. Craig is always on the verge of a tantrum that would make a toddler blush, or he’s preaching some Shit he knows absolutely nothing about to a group of men that are all infinitely more intelligent than him (which isn’t saying a whole lot for them). On this week’s Southern Charm, Craig talked about the importance of taking accountability, which is critically important but something this MotherFucker hasn’t done a single time in his entire disastrous life! Elsewhere in the episode, he goes on a first date with Charley shortly after leading on and ditching Salley and a birthday dinner for Austen, his favorite target to bully and malign both to his face and behind his back. The dinner quickly devolves to chaos the moment Austen asks Craig to take accountability for treating him like Shit. Shocker, Craig declines and they end up trading insults and exposing each others’ secrets and declare their friendship over. Austen is not without fault here and should’ve pulled some punches, but who could blame a person who’s been bullied by Craig fuckin’ Conover for years. Craig is currently #1 in the Bravo’s Biggest Idiots Power Rankings.
Danger Warning: crybaby Craig
Deandre Ayton
Lakers fans spent the early season convincing themselves that Deandre Ayton was the missing piece and laughing at how easily they scooped him up after being bought out by Portland. We told ya! Deandre Ayton is only happy when he’s the focal point. Lebron and the Lakers are now seeing first hand why the former #1 pick got dumped by Phoenix and Portland despite so much promise. We’re claiming he might be the biggest bust ever as the #1 pick because his work ethic is the reason he never reaches the heights he should, rather than injuries or lack of talent or any other stereotypical reason. Fits are decent, though.
Danger Warning: external motivation only
Barack Obama
Despite the collapse of American democracy at the hands of his successor as President, this dude does nothing but tweet lots of words with no actual meaning and link to PODCASTS about “what’s at stake.” Also, Vox articles. Like it or not, Barack Obama’s words could do more to activate the masses right now than just about anyone else in the country and he’s choosing to keep speaking like a politician (derogatory) and do nothing. Nobody’s coming to save us but US.
Danger Warning: wolf in sheep’s tan suit
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together. TWR sticker packs available here.