INFANTRY ANALYSIS: Soldiers and Enemies of the Week [GRAMMYS EDITION]
Men of Valor, Men of Shame
So many men, so little time. We can’t pick just one Soldier each week since there are so many Men of Valor out there, a wonderful statement to make considering the contrasting plethora of Disgraceful Assholes bringing shame to the rest of us. And that’s why we can’t just have on Enemy of the Week! The Infantry Analysis highlights the good, bad, and Shitty happening around the world of dudes, from Banging Fits to Ignorant Pricks and everything in between.
Salute to all the Commandos putting in work with Fits, Vibrations, Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Outspokenness 🫡 And Fuck You to all the Wack Idiots making the world a worse place 🖕
SOLDIERS of the WEEK
Skate Dads
It’s a Weird Ass time to raise children given the state of the world in 2026, but at the same time it’s also the era of the Enlightened Father. The dad ranks have been growing recently, with Style Icons Tiago Lemos and Cyrus Bennet each recently welcoming newborns. Elsewhere, long-hair legend Charlie Birch ripped around Palace’s Manor Place skatepark with his son Buster in tow. The world might be turned upside down right now, but the next generation is in good hands with Real Soldiers like them bringing them up.
Commendation: Father Force
Lebron James
Even a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while. Red laces on the Goadomes is the proper maneuver.
Commendation: Lace Swap Legion
Pep Guardiola
Pep’s long been one of the most fashionable men on the sidelines, always cutting a sharp figure in well-fitting casual gear often set off by Hard Ass jackets from the likes of Stone Island and C.P. Company. He’s dominated every competition that matters in Europe and may go down in history as the greatest ever. This makes his constant advocacy that much more impressive in a world full of opinionless sports figures who wouldn’t take a stand on anything for fear of harming their paycheck. He made headlines last week for speaking at a charity event in support of Palestine, wearing a keffiyeh and passionately declaring, “I am not neutral. I am Palestinian.” He followed that up with unprompted comments in his pre-match press conference decrying the genocide in Palestine, Russia’s heinous war on Ukraine, the crisis in Sudan, and the despicable murders of Renee Good and Alex Pretti here in the US. A principled activist going back to his youth and playing days as a Catalan in Spain, Pep declared, “I see the images and, I’m sorry, it hurts, it hurts to me, that’s why in every position I can help, speaking up to be a better society — I will not change anything but I try — I will be there. All the time. It’s for my kids, for my family, for you, for all of you, for your families as well.” As much as we hate the club he manages, Pep is the best of the best in every possible way.
Commendation: Master and Commander
Brian O’Dwyer
Who knew you could pack so much fuckin’ Action into a 48 second edit? BOD came through with Tuff Fits and Hammer Clips in his new one for Venture. Streets are saying he might be switching up his board sponsor. Say it ain’t so!
Commendation: Damage Division
GRAMMY WINNERS
Kendrick Lamar
Chanel tux with accessories going Insano. Excellence in every way.
Skepta
Skepta and Casablanca are always a perfect link.
Bad Bunny
The man of the moment crushed the red carpet and won album of the year in custom Schiaparelli.
Jim-E Stack
Herringbone tweed trousers! And an ‘ICE OUT’ pin! Never heard of this dude but he pulled off a Real Slapper!
Justin Bieber
Baggy Balenciaga with the ‘ICE OUT’ pin.
ENEMIES of the WEEK
Darren Aronofsky
Darren Aronofsky has made some great films that highlight the plight of the human condition in excruciating detail. That’s what makes his turn to AI even more surprising. He just released a new project combining AI slop animation and professional voice actors to tell the tales of our country’s founding - On This Day... 1776. Unbelievable Loser Shit! The groundbreaking achievement of technological enshittification currently boasts an impressive 1/10 rating on IMDB.
Danger Warning: likely to make AI deepfake of you
Mauricio Pochettino
Mauricio Pochettino washed out of the Premier League after failed stints at Tottenham and Chelsea. He’s since taken charge of the US Men’s National Team as all eyes are upon them in this summer’s World Cup. He didn’t even need to guide them to qualification since they’re automatically in as one of the host nations, yet it’s certainly not looking great for the Argentine! He has the worst record for a full time manager going back to the mid-90s, his style of play doesn’t really suit his squad, and he’s been bending over backward to salute Fuhrer Trump in the lead up. This week he criticized his own player after Tim Weah spoke out against skyrocketing ticket costs that are leaving fans unable to attend the World Cup in their own backyard, effectively telling him to Shut Up and Dribble. He wouldn’t want to cross the Fuhrer and his good homie Gianni Infantino, the head of FIFA! Just last month, Pochettino posted a photo of himself and those two DipShits, leaving no doubt as to who he answers to and what motivates him. It’s gonna be a very weird summer.
Danger Warning: bootlicking choke artist
Chet Holmgren
Chet Holmgren dresses like a Big Dumb Moron, and it turns out he speaks like one too! When asked about the ongoing turmoil in his hometown of Minneapolis, where Trump’s Gestapo continues to terrorize children and murder protestors, this idiot said, “That’s a very loaded topic obviously. I don’t want to get into the opinions and politics of everything … I wasn’t there. I don’t have a full picture of everything going on so I can’t really speak on details … I’m wishing safety for everybody.” No wonder Wemby hates him so much!
Danger Warning: all height no heart
Brett Ratner
The late 90s/early 2000s director of classics like Rush Hour and the 3rd X-Men movie faded into obscurity back in 2017 after a laundry list of disgusting sexual assault allegations surfaced from at least 6 women. Like any cunning deviant does, he bided his time and cozied up to the right people for an eventual comeback when the cultural tides turned. That moment is now, as Ratner has re-emerged as the triumphant director of the propaganda film Melania, Amazon’s $75M ode to Trump that paid the First Lady $28M and ensured Bezos and his associated businesses remain in the Fuhrer’s good graces. Hot on the heels of Melania’s box office bombing release, Ratner appeared in the fresh batch of 3.5 million Epstein files. Brett and Epstein were photographed on a couch embracing a couple of women (faces redacted). In a just world he would be jettisoned back into whatever ShitHole he’s been hiding in the past 10 years, but he’s already in pre-production for another Rush Hour movie at the Fuhrer’s behest and nothing happens to criminal monsters in the good ol’ US of A. He’s also good homies with Mr. Genocide Benjamin Netanyahu, so he’s surely got all the backing he needs to get back to work no matter what else might surface.
Danger Warning: Weinstein Lite
GRAMMY LOSERS
Justin Bieber
The red carpet was good, performing in his undies was straight up weird.
Jack Antonoff
Great look for the streets! This is the Grammy’s, bro!
Harry Styles
We back trying Something Different, and Harry’s usually very good at that, but this look Really Sucks!
Jelly Roll
Ozempic has this dude looking like Post Malone’s evil uncle that may or may not be in the Epstein files. He’s dressed like Shit, those veneers are so silly, and he gave a BullShit answer when asked about the current state of our Union. Yeah, we agree, you are just a Dumb Redneck.
Pharrell and Clipse
LOL.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together. TWR sticker packs available here.