Pete Hegseth is a Piece of Shit. Also, good garms.
And so as you hear these words, telling you now of my state, I tell you to enjoy life, I wish I could but it's too late
We found some ALD stuff that’s not wack, a crinkly jacket from Brain Dead, and very mindful pants from Minor Planet for this week’s entry. Read on for what makes these garms special, then keep reading to learn why we must continue lifting up Jerry Hsu and putting down Pete Hegseth. TUESDAY MEANS WAR
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
Kalloni Shaker Stitch Sweater by Aime Leon Dore
We’ve had our fun with the evolution of ALD, but Teddy Santis has consistently made really great clothes from the very beginning. He has always aligned the brand with The Finer Things in life, and it shows through in all of the garment designs that aren’t meant for mass consumption. For example, this is a very nice knit sweater! It’s got a bit of an avant garde look that you don’t often see from ALD. They went with shaker stitching on this jawn, giving it a looser knit and more drape than your run-of-the-mill knit. It’s finished off with a vintage look thanks to reverse pigment printing - the fabric has been printed on the inside and the resulting bleed brings the color through. The sweater comes in three colors, but blue is far more exciting than black and tan. You could throw it on with these pants and these crepes and you have an actual slapper on your hands. But don’t even think about that fucking hat. Consider a bucket or a beanie instead. Pull up to the cafe and the fellas in line won’t know you’re wearing ALD.
OUTERWEAR
Tennis Zip Jacket by Brain Dead
Brain Dead has been getting an inordinate amount of coverage lately. We’re really trying to spread the love, but it’s difficult when Brain Dead is constantly pumping out Hard Ass Shit. There’s the ongoing Oakley collaboration, giving us funky 90s footwear revived from the Oakley archives. They’ve got a bunch of really great stuff for the fly fishing friends via their collection with South2 West8. We couldn’t get out of this entry without mentioning their Sci Fi capsule that coincided with the premiere of Sci Fi’s new video at Brain Dead Studios. Sure, collabs are fun, but the mark of a good apparel manufacturer is Their Shit, not someone else’s. Excellent News: Brain Dead’s Shit is very very good! Their eyewear is top drawer (as we’ve discussed before), they’re still taking risks and making wacky stuff, and they put thought and time into kitting out our feminine comrades. Their tennis collection elevates a number of functional athletic garms and accessories with signature BD textiles and flair. This jacket comes in a crinkly nylon ripstop that’s lightweight to keep you cool during warm-up volleys. Mesh venting enhances the air flow to maximize breathability. It’s finished in a court-ready check pattern in a very Brain Dead-y brown earth tone. There are matching shorts for Soldiers who Really Really Pull Up, but the jacket is more than enough to Stunt.
LOWER UNIFORM
Helio Track Pant by Minor Planet New York
Minor Planet’s whole vibe is based around one simple concept: always approach things with a beginner’s mindset. One of their t-shirts is emblazoned with BEGINNER in collegiate letters, setting the tone and anchoring them in their mission. Whether you’re a professional Soldier or stepping onto the battlefield for the very first time, freedom from preconceived notions and previous bests allow you to settle into the moment and just be. Most of us are trying to be the fastest or strongest but ultimately The Best, and unfortunately that impedes actual progress and growth more often than not. Minor Planet is all about injecting Mindfulness into Sport, with a stated goal of uniting mindful and spiritual practices like yoga and breathwork with athletic activities like running and skateboarding. The garms certainly hit these notes, producing things like athletic shorts in denim or running jackets in polar fleece. They make clothes that are multi-use because they know we are more than just one thing. The Helio track pant is cut in a beautiful baggy fit for freedom of movement regardless of the activity with a single cargo pocket on the right leg (who actually needs both?) and a phone-sized zipper pocket near the tramp stamp area for secure stashing. A perfect pant for hiking, skating, pounding bevs, bunning zoots, or whatever else your little heart desires. We firmly back their philosophy of merging mindfulness with athleticism because it seems like 2025 wants us to pick one or the other. We don’t have to, and Minor Planet is helping us slowly realize this important truth. Modern Soldiers can be multifaceted motherfuckers capable of ruthlessly demolishing the competition with the mental clarity of Wemby in China.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Jerry Hsu
Much has been made of the 2025 Jerry-ssance due to a “legacy” pro getting a cover and a lot of additional media attention at the expense of younger Soldiers deserving of shine. Zooming out, we’re seeing one of skateboarding’s most legendary figures leveraging his massive platform to put on the next generation via Sci-Fi Fantasy. With the video tour in full effect, the spotlight is on Jerry right now but will gradually shift to the rest of the team once Endless Beauty is out and the world sees his crew of Style Rulers. His eye for talent extends far beyond the typical, using Sci Fi to provide a platform for a diverse group of skaters in not only background but also approach to skating. He backs some of the most principled and therefore controversial voices in skateboarding because he can when most others won’t. What’s more, he’s consistently been open about his personal struggles with depression and the impact it’s made to his life and career. Many Soldiers struggle in silence with mental health issues of all kinds, so we should celebrate any time an influential figure discusses it. Thank you for everything, Jerry. Especially being gracious when we drunkenly told you how amazing you are a couple years ago.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Pete Hegseth
Pathetic Pete Hegseth sells himself as a macho everyman, but he’s a Princeton-and-Harvard-educated serial adulterer with two failed marriages who’s lost multiple jobs because of his alcoholism. The man was barely confirmed as Secretary of Defense (a whole other massive conversation for another day) because of fears he’d be too hammered to make the right decisions. This might sound controversial but it’s not: if people are concerned about your ability to do a job due to your drinking, then you are an alcoholic and should stop drinking. Reality is harsh but acceptance is a hell of a lot better than denial! Yet Pretty Pete persists, as macho men tend to do. One of the funniest parts of Princeton Pete is that the goofy prick dresses like a rejected villain from Adam West’s Batman. Real Soldiers experimented with Fashion and endured slurs from fellas like Prissy Pete for decades only for those same fellas to step into 2025 with more flair than a TGI Friday’s assistant manager. Conservative dudes are all-in on skin-tight jeans, 2-inch inseams, and makeup routines more intense than a teenage beauty influencer - the type of Shit these dudes previously derided as “Metrosexual” when they actually just meant “Gay.” Perverted Pete is proof that Fashion is Fun but also that Fashion is Hard and the vast majority of modern men dress like fucking idiots. Oh, we almost forgot, Predator Pete has been investigated for rape several times and has at least 3 tattoos associated with White Supremacy and Christian Nationalism. Like every single member of the Trump Administration, Pete Hegseth is a vile piece of shit that has no business feeling comfortable in OUR country.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.