Shai & Chalamet Stunt, Kid Rocks Fedora, and a Barefoot Buffoon
INFANTRY ANALYSIS: Soldiers and Enemies of the Week
So many men, so little time. We can’t pick just one Soldier each week since there are so many Men of Valor out there, a wonderful statement to make considering the contrasting plethora of Disgraceful Assholes bringing shame to the rest of us. And that’s why we can’t just have on Enemy of the Week! The Infantry Analysis highlights the good, bad, and Shitty happening around the world of dudes, from Banging Fits to Ignorant Pricks and everything in between.
Salute to all the Commandos putting in work with Fits, Vibrations, Vulnerability, Authenticity, and Outspokenness 🫡 And Fuck You to all the Wack Idiots making the world a worse place 🖕
SOLDIERS of the WEEK
Shai Gilgeous-Alexander
Shai hit the tunnel with Kate Moss as his inspiration, and we absolutely loved it. He pulled up in a leopard print coat, white Supreme box logo tee, baggy raw denim, and the new colorway of his signature Converse jawns in a fit lifted directly from the iconic Kate Moss photo tee released by Supreme way back when Shai was fresh out of diapers. Although it rides the line between outfit and Costume, we’re backing this one for the reverence to a legendary streetwear statement and the fact that he actually looks Cool for once.
Commendation: Shai Moss
Vince Palmer
Chicken Little is grown and ripping. His Shit always fits perfectly and his trick selection is extremely tasteful. This child prodigy is aging properly and no doubt about to blow very soon.
Commendation: Big Chicken
Kenneth Walker
Kenneth Walker left no doubt about who Owned Super Bowl LX. On the field, he ran all over that New England ass on his way to capturing the MVP award. Off the field, absolutely no one had more Business Casual Swag. He made it clear that he was there to get The Job done, and he certainly did just that.
Commendation: Most Valuable Playa
Timothee Chalamet
Tim has settled back into his natural form now that the Marty Supreme promo tour has concluded and he’s shifted gears to wooing The Academy. The ostentatious fits have been replaced with more tastefully loud choices. He recently appeared on French television in a stunning pairing of a canvas work vest atop a desert camo thermal. The host surprised him with the new 4th kit of his favorite club, Saint-Étienne. Big Tim kissed the badge and threw it on as soon as he could get his hands on it. Oh là là!
Commendation: French-American Legion
ENEMIES of the WEEK
Druski
This dumbass has more misses than hits lately. He dresses like an Idiot while spouting disrespect under the guise of comedy. A Thom Browne suit in 2026? This guy Sucks!
Danger Warning: Wackski
Kid Rock
Kid Rock headlined Turning Point USAs All American Halftime Show looking like a European tourist at Universal Studios (Orlando, of course). The embarrassment started before the show as TPUSA announced they couldn’t “live”stream on Twitter due to licensing issues. It continued when Kid Rock took the stage, lampooned for lip syncing his way through a bunch of songs that have been a joke for 20 years and others nobody’s even heard. The whole fiasco was made even funnier by the news that these Dumbasses pre-taped the show and still fucked the whole thing up. CK must be spinning in his grave.
Danger Warning: Baby Cowboy
Mack Hollins
The epitome of a Pick Me MF, Mack Hollins entered the tunnel at Super Bowl LX dressed like a Hannibal Lecter-esque prisoner, complete with shackles and a mask that look like it was made from a plastic milk jug. Shoeless, of course. He came into the game with 2 catches all postseason, making this whole ordeal genuinely incomprehensible. his patriots went on to having an all-time worst offensive performance and lose to the Seattle Seahawks. Hannibal Hollins finished the game with 4 catches for 78 yards and a touchdown. We’re sure he’s patting himself on the back for his personal performance(s) despite the Loss.
Danger Warning: foot fetish
Jake Lang
The most flagrant misuse of camo in history.
Danger Warning: Officer Doofy
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together. TWR sticker packs available here.