The diamond in the dirt that ain't been found
THE WAR REPORT
Welcome The War Report. Men’s style has always been BAD but there’s been a dangerous decline for decades. Years of the average man dressing like a slob has given rise to today’s average man dressing like Shit. Personally, I blame Zara, Bravolebrities, social media, Bachelorette contestants, the collapse of our education system, and Fortnite, but this is not the point of The War Report. There will certainly be casualties, but this will mostly be a positive place where we share the Good Shit. We’re in the streets scouting the Hardest Shit so you never go into battle without the proper equipment.
TACTICAL UPDATES
LOWER UNIFORM
550 Relaxed Fit Jeans by Levi’s
The Perfect Fit. They’re a touch below Baggy so they’re a universal garm. Most of us run primarily with Civilians in everyday life and it’s important to camouflage accordingly. You don’t wear your full uniform off the battlefield just like you don’t wear your court shoes outside the gym. They’re comfortable in all the right areas and have a lil taper to em. This is an important and underrated feature in today’s widemouth world. Footwear is Still the most critical part of the uniform, Fuck What Ya Heard, so your pants shouldn’t be swallowing em up. They’re offered in a bunch of nice stonewashes as well as the tried and true Levi’s black. Size up one waist size and do not cop the stretch denim version. Look Goody in Footy and do not disturb the peace for less than $50. Much like the most committed Soldiers, the best garms always serve more than one purpose. Another Business Tip from The War Report to keep a little walking around money in those stylish pockets.
OUTERWEAR
Men's Full-Zip Unlined Jacket in Navy by Nike
Sure, you could scoop a canvas Carhartt jacket like every other dickhead. Settle in to the anonymous sea of sartorial sameness if you want. But you really don’t have to look too far outside the Boring to find a lil something to Stunt. Nike’s been quietly smashing their cut-and-sew for many years, and they’re pushing out a lot of great workwear under the Nike Life umbrella. This hooded canvas jacket is cropped a touch, as it should be, and sits perfectly at the belt line. They offer it in several different heavy canvas colorways, but the navy is a nice reprieve from the camel you see on every other motherfucker. They spiced it up with some white Sashiko stitching at the elbows for abrasion resistance, a nice touch of sauce when they could’ve just slapped on some elbow patches or nothing at all. I decided to spruce mine up a little with some color on the elbows and a patch on the chest. Why not?
FOOTWEAR
993 by New Balance
It’s easy to mistake these for trendy or “Dad Shoes” or dorky or whatever. Very Fucking Wrong. The 993 has been in the streets for nearly 20 years and Stays On Foot for a multitude of reasons. It’s a running shoe, so it’s built to support your feet during Operations of all types. The extensive paneling lends itself to outstanding colorways to suit any Soldier. As is currently a Hot Topic, I think all 993s are part of the New Balance Made in USA line. A MUST for patriots! I have two pairs of 993: the classic NB Grey for everyday and the Beef & Broccolis for Subtle Stunt Work. That ALD collab was actually the first time I owned a pair of New Balance sneakers. These were initially copped to flex but ended up opening a new world of comfort and care - a running theme of The War Report. Get pedicures, soak in epsom salt, cop 993s.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Justin Bieber
I would not say Bieber is Stunting like a Soldier (the fits are generally horrendous), but he’s got the Mentality. Goin for it is so much of what a Soldier does. Push through the self-doubt and external judgement and Put That Shit On no matter what. You cannot say he doesn’t do just that. Biebs is getting a lot of unnecessary negative attention right now considering he’s a new father with a history of mental health issues and more public scrutiny than most humans that ever walked the planet. Sure, criticize his gaudy garms, but get out of his face when he’s living his life! He’s raising a baby, designing some gear he likes, and ripping mini ramps. What are YOU doing? I think Hailey might be a bad influence tho tbh….
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Essentials by Fear of God
Hard to believe this BullShit is still so dominant amongst the Juiceless Masses. Fear of God was a lil Different and made a splash when they first hit the scene, with Jerry Lorenzo becoming one of fashion’s hottest designers backed by all of his Kanye-adjacent homies. I always thought Fear of God was weird and not for me but I respected the vision and hustle. Then came Essentials. Boxy basics emblazoned with “ESSENTIALS FEAR OF GOD” in massive print. Drop crotches. Stupidly long drawstrings. They call them essentials but no wardrobe should include an abomination like this. Fear of God rose during an era of fashion transition - more people were becoming hip to “streetwear” and sneaker culture and brands like Fear of God and Off White were creating a new paradigm by infusing Streetwear sensibilities into High Fashion. Sneaker brands fought to collaborate with these new tastemakers, more people wanted to get their hands on their stuff, and the designers cashed in by making cheaper shit with logos that they could push on Tasteless Plebs in mall stores. Not long after it was impossible to score a pair of Nike FoGs, you could walk into PacSun and cop a watered down version of Jerry’s vision in an Essentials hoodie. You obviously don’t have a Fear of God if you’re willing to wear such Blasphemous garms.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.