The Greatest Purveyor Of Garms In The World Today Is Your Own Closet
Man, this shit so ill that we had to restart it
It’s the first TWR of 2026 and we’re kicking it off with an assortment of tasteful and understated garms from Sci-Fi Fantasy, Theories, and Supply. Rather than single anyone out as Soldier or Enemy of the Week, we’re recapping major recent newsworthy moments at large. And we’ve added a new section for sources of additional intelligence for Soldiers looking to broaden their aperture. It’s gonna be a great year!
💥TUESDAY MEANS WAR💥
TACTICAL UPDATES
HEADWEAR
Yin Yang Hat by Sci-Fi Fantasy
According to left-wing information repository Wikipedia, “yin-yang is the concept that there exist cosmic principles or forces that are opposite but complementary, which interact, interconnect, support and perpetuate each other. Together they form a dynamic system in which the whole is greater than the interdependent components, and both parts are essential for the cohesion of the whole.” This is a thoughtful approach to modern life that reminds a Soldier that balance is not just important but imperative. When times are tough, it provides a light in knowing the good will come. It helps explain why we have to deal with all these Fucking Idiots with backwards-ass ideologies rooted in extreme hate and ignorance. Without Them We are Nothing, for it is because of Them that We Exist. Also, the symbol is Tight as Fuck! Sci-Fi used it on a tee and board graphic that freaked it in fun colors and now it’s available for you to sport on your dome surrounded by a sun looking like one of those belly-button tattoos. It tells the world that you’re a chill guy that’s a little bit on the philosophical tip, but it also shows the world that you’re into banging graphics from the global leader in irreverence. You like to have a bit of fun but you can also get into the seriousness of the collapse of human civilization. It’s a yin-yanged yin-yang, and it’s available to you for only $42!
UPPER UNIFORM
Scribble Sport Zip Hoodie by Theories
There’s a long-running debate in Dressing: are zip hoods good? The answer is a resounding and obvious YES, which makes this long-running debate a waste of precious mental capacity. Not only is the zip hood extremely good, it’s foundational to a Real Layerers wardrobe. Pullovers are standard affair, but what are you gonna do when you wanna flex the fire tee you’re wearing underneath? You can’t! What if you’re running a button-up and you want a fleece layer over top? Pullover over a button-up would look downright stupid! What about those balmy temps that need fleece-y warmth but can quickly get too hot? Are you gonna take off your hoody and carry it around? Really? The zip hood is one of the most universally wearable garms in existence, melding the the casualness of a sweatshirt and the functionality of a jacket. Perhaps the modern hatred is a reaction to the Bape-ification of zip hoods, perhaps it was the brief association with the Asshole that owns Facebook, perhaps it’s just the widespread lack of Ball Knowledge amongst Clothes Likers, but whatever the case may be, it’s time to Respect The Zip. Thanks to Theories, you can grab a real cracking version for under $100, which is a truly stunning price in the age of $168 cotton-poly blends. It’s 100% cotton, offers a 2-way zipper (twice as good as your run-of-the-mill zip jawn), and a subtle embroidered logo on the pocket to keep it clean. Theories is consistently dropping heaters every season, so peep the rest of their Holiday 2025 selection here.
FOOTWEAR
Salomon XT-4 OG by Supply
We’ve been living in the XT-4 for the past couple years. It was our first pair of Salomons and remains our favorite. Salomon produces some of the most comfortable technical footwear in the game. The magic comes from the Agile Chassis™ Skeleton combined with a dual density midsole that provides exceptional stability along with cloudlike comfort. The rugged outsole gets over any terrain and the Quicklace system makes for quick on-and-off. Australia’s Supply recently put their spin on the oft-collabed XT-4, and it’s one of the best ever produced. Mostly black with hits of blue and speckled grey makes for a clean canvas to freak the branding. No detail was spared, from flipping the Salomon logo upside down as a nod to Supply’s Down Under location to replacing “LAB” on the toeboxes with their own logo and on the lace strip, the changes are subtle but exciting for those paying attention. The overlay on the upper features subtle imagery from the Paris catacombs, a reminder that this shoe is made for the most rugged explorations. Get out there, Soldiers!
FIELD NOTES
PRIVATE EQUITY RUINS MORE SHIT
Venture capital continues to destroy the world, this time seeing Chelsea Football Club co-owners Clearlake Capital running their coach out of town thanks to endless meddling and a relentless focus on Turning Humans Into Money. Enzo Maresca bailed out only a few months removed from winning two trophies for his overlords, reportedly fed up that they dictated his team selection and substitutions with eyes towards Maximizing Player Value and prioritizing Shareholder Value above Winning Football Matches. Maresca’s was so sick of the Money Hungry Mother Fuckers that he gave up millions in compensation to get away as fast as possible. His likely replacement, Liam Rosenior, comes from the other club owned by Clearlake and has no doubt already been briefed on his expectations to Do What He’s Fucking Told and Shut The Fuck Up.
MADURO’S TUNNEL FITS
Trump finally invaded Venezuela and kidnapped its president after months of teasing. They paraded Maduro around in various photo ops that only served to benefit the Venezuelan Strong Man as he truly Had That Shit On in more outfit changes than Taylor Swift on the Eras Tour. They caught him in the full Nike Tech, paraded him through New York in a burly black jacket and some kind of swaggy beanie, and finally looking like a Good Ol’ Boy with one of those lightweight hoodies they wear to go fishing and Shit. On Monday, he rolled out in some Carhartt looking like a real Brooklynite. He really put our fellas to shame, holed up at Mar-A-Lago wearing suits and looking at twitter and Shit at 2am like some real swagless assholes!
RACIST ASSHOLE OUTED AS GRIFTER ASSHOLE
An extreme right religious/racist youtuber calling himself Vrillium has fallen from grace in stunning fashion! The wannabe Nick Fuentes recently rose to prominence with horrifically racist videos targeting anybody with dark skin and touting religion. Well, his old twitter accounts were unearthed and full of the exact opposite content, including everything from claiming to be queer to avowed support for BLM and leftist causes and even some very risque nudie pics! The vehement racist and anti-LGBTQ crusader was promptly canceled by fellow Shitty Assholes. He tried to downplay the controversy by saying it’s just part of his story and it was all before he “came to christ” in 2023. To be clear, we’re not on the side of the mob, we’re simply enjoying the downfall of an obvious grifter who’s been outed as an internet clout chaser glomming on to whatever ‘movement’ is currently trendy on twitter. He also dresses like Shit!
ADDITIONAL INTELLIGENCE
IAN BROWNING AT SKATE BYLINES
General Ian Browning of the vaunted Borough Hall Brigade is now publishing his column, ‘The Rules Of Skateboarding’ at Skate Bylines. Update your bookmarks accordingly!
THE FORT BRAGG CARTEL
Written by investigative journalist Seth Harp, ‘The Fort Bragg Cartel’ exposes murder and drug trafficking perpetrated by the soldiers stationed at America’s top special operations base. Harp highlights the members of Delta Force (kidnappers of Maduro) and other elite special forces involved in drug trafficking, assassination, and terrorism both at home and abroad. It lays bare the United States’ interest in the global drug trade and the military’s role in propping up Afghan heroin cultivation, the consequences of which were devastating for the service members involved. A must-read as Fuhrer Trump plunges the country back into the imperialism of the 80s and potentially back to operations in the Middle East.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.