THE WAR REPORT: Style Recommendations from the Front Line
The driest of droughts, maneuvered and I earned through it
A Statement Sweater from Carpet Company, the Champagne of Shorts from Earth\Studies, and Phenomenal Footwear from Keen gets you Dressed this week. Then, we celebrate Devin Booker’s massive contract extension and wonder how MAGA Manoverse Podcast Poosey Andrew Schulz could possibly be so stupid. Tuesday Means WAR !
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
Flag Woven Sweater by Carpet Company
The habibis never miss. The boys from Baltimore started printing boards and tees in their basement before evolving into a Skateboarding and Apparel Powerhouse, boasting a Nike Dunk collab and Chico Brenes guest board among countless other Slappers in their decade in the game. Ayman and Osama put their whole selves into Carpet and it shines through in all of their designs. They include Arabic lettering and iconography throughout their designs, a nod to their Egyptian background. They’re also devout Muslims living near Our Nation’s Capitol, no doubt surrounded by the sights and sounds of bigotry and ignorance in a town that attracts the most soulless ghouls from all over the world. It’s certainly no secret that Shit’s Fucked at the moment, and the habibis flipped (literally) the iconic Ralph Lauren Flag Sweater to send that very message. When the American flag is flipped upside down, it becomes a symbol of distress and extreme danger. We could be reading too far into it, but the green and blue coloring could’ve been inspired by a Gulf War-era peace flag. Or they just thought it looked good. Who knows! Set off with their iconic C-Stars, this one will be sure to turn heads and spark conversation at the Labor Day function.
LOWER UNIFORM
MP-104PA P_Article Field Short by Earth\Studies
If you find yourself without a pair of shorts you would consider a Banging Piece of Garmentary Art, we’ve got the solution for you. The Earth\Studies P_Article Field Short is a rugged and practical statement piece of clothing with no detail left untouched. “P_Article” is Earth\Studies’ line of fabrications for rugged operations - the Field Short boasts a mix of breathable nylon and cotton that’s also water resistant. It features five pockets, each with a unique design, to keep your Shit organized and secure. The mesh side pocket is big enough to hold your Nalgene and still cinch it up! A little bit Nuts but we love it! They also feature a built-in belt, a hallmark of every good pair of tactical bottoms. Earth\Studies is one of the Revolutionaries that’s pushing the boundaries of outdoor apparel, developing an approach that reminds us of Acronym’s urban sensibilities applied to heritage outdoor style. Earth\Studies says that their “products serve as tools for people to explore their world with curiosity, creativity and expression.” We think that sounds pretty cool.
EQUIPMENT
Jasper Zionic by Keen
We’ve had an eye on these for a minute. Keen is a staple of the rivers and trails that’s steadily making a name for themselves in the Cool Sneaker world as well. Evolving beyond ugly and tactical, Keen’s been linking up with Proper Allies and producing Very Nice Footwear made for all Soldiers and Missions. The Jasper Zionic is a runnerized version of the climbing-inspired Jasper and it’s a fucking Banger. The Safari/Sky Captain color up is a Gorp classic, but they come in 10 other colorways at the moment to satisfy any outfit. We love the classically-styled hiking boot laces, but TWR Field Correspondent Will Takahashi hit us with some important info from the field: “Reporting live from the front lines, these are dope and comfy af. Had the laces switched with a bungee at the store (free of charge!)” Shout out to Keen for providing a wonderful touch of service that’s being lost in today’s age of eCommerce and Instagram brands. And shout out to Will for putting us on to this valuable intelligence. You are nothing without your network, so cultivate it wisely!
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Devin Armani Booker
The best dressed player in the NBA just signed a historic contract extension that will keep him with the team that drafted him until 2030. Real Soldier Shit. Loyalty is a completely forgotten virtue in modern times, but Devin Booker has it in every fiber of his being. He’s deeply involved in the Arizona community off the court. He respects the past as he carves his own lane. Oh, and Book is a Skater. No, not actually someone who skateboards. But he’s got that energy. That innate coolness. He Talks Mad Shit. He appreciates the culture. And his signature Nike shoe is as close to a skate shoe that a recent hoop shoe has ever been. Plus, Book favors a wardrobe of Hard Clothes, stuff like double knee pants and work jackets, paired with Chuck Taylors. If he wears a hat it’s usually the Tigers’ “D”, the shades are always Tuff, and he never overdoes any part of the fit. His style is subtle, tasteful, and just a little bit intimidating. We’re not a car blog but he drives ones that look cool. Professional athletes are a wasteland of Tasteless Lames who don’t care about anything but their check and desecrating the sacred art of Getting Dressed. We sincerely thank Devin Booker for Never Switching Up and always being a Real One.
LOSER OF THE WEEK
Andrew Schulz
Never in the history of humanity has a person looked so gullible, pathetic, and downright fucking Dumb than Andrew Schulz has this week. Imagine, if you can, being Tricked by Trump. It’s nearly impossible to put yourself in his shoes and empathize, isn’t it? That’s because you have a functioning brain. Andrew’s head contains a hamster wheel with a methed-out rat running like he’s being chased by his daddy that just wants to give him a hug. Like many of his fellow smooth-brains in the Manosphere, Andrew suffers from a lack of love as a child that caused him to grow up and be an angry reactionary immature Bitch! A great many men suffer this very same affliction, yet some grow up to create the love they missed in the world while some adopted Donald Trump as their imaginary Daddy. Perhaps it is a positive sign that Andrew was smart enough to recognize he was played when Trump closed the book on Epstein to cover up his complicity. Andrew, Trump was convicted of raping E. Jean Carroll in 2023. You never switched up on your boy and you endorsed him for president! You pushed all of his talking points through your idiotic podcast. Shut up, Bitch! Oh, and you dress like a reject from the Bachelorette with a Hitler Youth haircut and a fake Blaccent. We know you wanna shave that mustache juuuuuust a bit.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.