Welcome The War Report. Men’s style has always been BAD but there’s been a dangerous decline for decades. Years of the average man dressing like a slob has given rise to today’s average man dressing like Shit. Personally, I blame Zara, Bravolebrities, social media, Bachelorette contestants, the collapse of our education system, and Fortnite, but this is not the point of The War Report. There will certainly be casualties, but this will mostly be a positive place where we share the Good Shit. We’re in the streets scouting the Hardest Shit so you never go into battle without the proper equipment.
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
Don’t Ask Jersey by Snack Skateboards



Snack is, unquestionably, the most underrated Street Outfitter on the planet. I don’t know how they do it, but the quality and construction of their stuff clears just about anything I can put em up against (streetwear brand, skateboard company, streetboard company brand, Snack clears them all). Polos! Logo flips! GOOD ASS PANTS. Their board graphics are better than 99% of the industry, but we’re focusing on the garms. I love Snack’s embrace of the athletic jersey more than anything. I am most partial to the way they freak a football shirt, but they smash em all. Someone was on their Barry Bonds when they designed this denim baseball jersey. It’s a timeless silhouette embraced by all Real Heads, and the hit on the back is a clear sign of who you are to the Fake Heads. Snack never skimps on the little details like embroidered detailing and woven labels, each with it’s own lil touch of tuffness. This goes hard.
FOOTWEAR
Mellow Recovery Clog by Crocs (PALACE COLLABORATION OBVIOUSLY)



As previously mentioned, Crocs are Fucking Fine. Get over it. They’re cheap, easy to wear, fun to Freak, have dual modes, and enjoyed by all ages. The regular Crocs are Fine, but the Mellow Recover one is the most comfortable piece of footwear I’ve ever owned. It’s a springy slide in the vein of Hoka or oofos without bullshitting you with any “technology” or whatever. The only reason I found out how incredible these are is because Crocs had the genius to collaborate with Palace Skateboards, the single most critical manufacturer of The War Effort. Trippy designs camouflaged the foot-changing experience of Putting These Shits On. I recently re-upped on the mainline version as the Palace ones wear out. It seems they’re phasing out the clog version in favor of a slide, which is a major mistake. Nobody needs that little peekaboo of toe. As you get Wiser in the Game, you understand how important it is to give your feet a break from rugged footwork once in a while. Decades of demolishing my feet with shitty footwear have me hobbling around before age 40, so if you’re like me it’s time to start now.
EQUIPMENT
Anna Sunglasses in Leopard Brown by CHPO Brand



If you gotta ask “yo what are those?” then you better cop. I saw these on an Elite Commando recently, asked the question, and pulled out my phone to cop. He had them in an ultra wavy colorway that set off the rest of his Hard Ass Fit, but I decided to go with a more muted hue. I’ve tried to get a lil crazy with sunglasses in the past but never feel like it works for me. Always remember that we are Uniformed but we are NOT UNIFORM. Sometimes an important aspect of style is swagger-jacking from other people who are Doin It. And there is nothing wrong with that! Your Platoon should inspire you! Just make sure you Steal their Shit while making it Your Own. CHPO Brand is also about so much much than producing terrific shades using recycled and vegan materials. As they say in their IG bio, “If you hate homosexuals, people of different color or women, please do this one favor for us. Don’t buy our gear.” A company that is committed to The War Effort on every single front is one we all must support.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK



Pants fitting RIGHT. Clothing Flowing. Button up shirts. Oozing style. Check out his new part for Hardbody.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK



A certain demo of dude’s had exposure to sneaker and “fashion” culture from a really early age (derogatory). A generation bombarded with social media and Fortnite from their most formative years (derogatory). As a result, they know enough to put together a “cool” outfit (derogatory) that fools fellow Civilians. “Wow, look at those slightly short inseam Real Tree Camo pants with Air Jordan 1 OG Reverse Shattered Backboards and a Vintage T-Shirt! And is that a Vintage NASCAR-or-cigarette-related Hat? Sheesh, girl!” they say (derogatory).
Bravo Bad Boi and Complex Clout Demon West Wilson is a quintessential example. You might forgive even ME for being fooled (not for long !!!!) in the beginning. Smooth-talkin, baggy-dressin, Nice-seeming fella who likes to have a good time. WRONG ! Culture vulture chameleon using the uniform of A Real Soldier to bang chicks (derogatory) and manipulate The Narrative. He aired himself out over two full seasons of reality TV and resulting social media attention but still playin aloof.
I know Weaponization of Style when I see it. The latest Abercrombie designs certainly look “Cool” (derogatory), but that’s intentional. They’re still worn by an Abercrombie Boy (Very Derogatory).
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.