There's a warning sign on the road ahead
THE WAR REPORT
Welcome The War Report. Men’s style has always been BAD but there’s been a dangerous decline for decades. Years of the average man dressing like a slob has given rise to today’s average man dressing like Shit. Personally, I blame Zara, Bravolebrities, social media, Bachelorette contestants, the collapse of our education system, and Fortnite, but this is not the point of The War Report. There will certainly be casualties, but this will mostly be a positive place where we share the Good Shit. We’re in the streets scouting the Hardest Shit so you never go into battle without the proper equipment.
TACTICAL UPDATES
UPPER UNIFORM
Middle Gauge Crew Neck Vest in Dark Grey by Uniqlo
Sweater vests, once a hallmark of the Nerd archetype, have always been an important piece of the wardrobe for Real Ones. Whether you pop it on top of a button-up or tee, it’s a truly utilitarian garm that serves many purposes. That classic sweater feel? Check! Torso warmth? Check! Still show off The Guns (or sick shirt you’re wearing underneath)? CHECK!! Given it’s a bit of an Unusual sight for the average Joe Shittydresser, you’ll probably get comments. We keep our sweater vest alphets on the chill side so as to draw as little attention and as few “whoa a sweater vest!” from the plebs as possible. We’ve tried many different brands, sizes, and patterns but, as tends to be the case, it was Uniqlo all along. This one is cut a little big and sits perfectly over a tee with your normal kit. It can go over a button-up with some Nice Pants when wifey needs you to Show Out. The only knock against it is that it’s no longer available. One of The War Report’s mantras is “you never regret buying two.”
LOWER UNIFORM
Warner Jean Shorts by Baker Skateboards
You may know Baker for their legendary videos. Or the hi jinx. Or the Best Shape In The Universe. What if we told you they’re also producing Excellent Pants and Shorts!!!!!! A truly concerted War Effort is being undertaken at Baker Boys and we could not be more blessed. A while back we took a risk on some Baker double knees that appeared Sick As Hell online. No risk, no reward - they turned out to be incredible pants: truly Heavyweight canvas, durable-ass construction, and a perfect shade of olive. There was zero hesitation when these black shorts appeared online and our gamble was once again rewarded with a Banging Garm justifiably emblazoned with “The Greatest” on the coin pocket. Decent weighting for a summer-ish garm, jet black just like your heart, and the Right Length that’s below the knee but not fuckin Deedz. Add some white crew socks and proper footwork to set em off. Free Game if the apparel designers over at Baker happen to read this: make them in other colors (olive! brown! CAMO?!) and add a carpenter pocket and you’ll be printing Money.
HEADWEAR
Fitted Hats by New Era
The Dad Hat Era is upon us. We’ve been here a while but it has now become untenable. It is time to retvrn to a prior era. A time when one cap ruled above all others. The ultimate head cover - the New Era Fitted Cap. Dig through the back of your closet for the classics. Bust out the tape measure if you forgot your size. Make sure it doesn’t have the logo on the temple. Get on eBay to refresh your stockpile. The backlash must be swift and severe. Imagine, if you can, the greatest poets of our time sporting dad caps instead of fitteds. You can’t, can you? It’s unnatural and bordering on unholy. There’s a time and place for the extensive variations of cap silhouettes and your locker should offer one of each. But for the love of god yank all those dad caps out of rotation for a bit and get back to your roots. Extra points for a defunct sports franchise or vintage skate heater. And go ahead, leave the sticker on, why the fuck not?
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Known up and down the Best Coast and throughout the world of skateboarding as The Best Dude and a Style Icon in the truest sense of the word. Dane has a legacy of outstanding art on skateboards, prints, apparel, and everything else. A few years ago he partnered up with a couple homies to start Pearl, a truly Stunting outfitter with an ever-expanding assortment of thoughtfully crafted apparel, bags, and fun stuff. If you know and love Dane’s style, you see it shining through in everything Pearl does. We’re talking painstakingly sourced materials, hand-sewn labels, in-house printing and embroidery, and AMERICAN MADE SHIT! That means tariff-free and insulated from the Fuhrer's BullShit! In addition to Pearl, Dane and his wonderful wife Nancy have a yoga studio, Mother Yoga, in Seattle’s Chinatown neighborhood that focuses on Community, Accessibility, and Affordability with an eye toward re-building a Seattle community that has been devastated by the city’s changes in the past decade or so. Dane rules, dresses GREAT, absolutely rips on a skateboard, and CARES about his people and his community. The epitome of a Soldier. Enjoy Dane.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Unisphere Hat by Aime Leon Dore
Enough!!! It is not Stunting to put on a lil ALD lid with your slim-stretch Vuori pants and Blazers. Aime Leon Dore transformed from Sick Small Brand to Meme Fashion in record time. We visited their first pop up shop in NYC and copped a hoodie (wifey was outraged at the price). The retail space was Very Cool and the brand felt exciting. There are still some very good clothes coming from the House of Santis, but it’s hard to see it through the proliferation of the Queens logo on the hats and t-shirts of the most Juiceless “fashion bros” the world over. HAVE YOU EVEN BEEN TO FLUSHING? WHAT’S YOUR FAVORITE TRICK OVER THE GRATE??????
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.
Been eyeing the Baker bottoms for a bit. You might have convinced me. And I am an ardent supporter of the New Era fitted. ARDENT.