WONDERFUL JORTS
That jukebox in the corner blasting out my favorite song / The nights are getting warmer, it won't be long / Won't be long 'til summer comes
Jorts inspiration. Supreme x Nike x Sir Charles. Reebok x Sedan All-Purpose x Robbie Fowler. West Wilson is the only Soldier on Bravo. And why the FUCK are any dudes wearing Hey Dudes?
💥TUESDAY MEANS WAR💥
GARM OF THE WEEK
Jorts
Many men refuse to show leg in even the most boiling temperatures, but humans have been wearing shorts since the dawn of pants. Shorts get a bad rep in part because it’s pretty hard to find the right fit and style for the individual. The same is true for pants, but shorts have so many more areas where someone can Really fuck it up. Jean shorts have been a staple for Soldiers since the first fella in denim cut off the legs to get some air sometime back in the 1960s. Thanks to that fateful decision, we now have Jorts to flex those leg tats and sneakers and make sure we get some sun on the gams. Their popularity rose thanks to adoption by Cool people in the 80’s and 90’s before becoming something of a Joke in the 2000’s, perhaps driven by trends like JNCOs that drove them into unwearable mockery. As everything eventually does, Jorts stormed back into Fashion wardrobes about a decade later.
Back to the bad rep: there are simply too many styles of Jorts to choose from, and most dudes choose wrong. Some fellas go too big, which is a silly look, but most average guys make the opposite mistake. We’re talking slim-to-skinny fit Jorts. A cardinal sin. The “Kid Rock Halftime Show” look. The “Zara” look. The “European Tourist in Los Angeles” look. It’s a crime to run Jorts that fit like biker shorts yet so many guys are committing the offense.
That’s where we come in. We’ve got three wonderful pairs of denim shorts to set you in the right direction. There are literally endless options of Good Shit in this day and age, so consider these a hell of a starting point in case you’re one of those Soldiers that likes to do their own research.
Levi’s is the first name in denim, and therefore also the first name in denim shorts. Unfortunately our favorite pair, the 550, is no longer being made. We’ll settle for the 478, a current design with a nod to the 90s with all the right elements for a great pair of Jorts in 2026. You know they’re not skimping on the fit since “baggy” is right there in the title, and they come with the high regard of Levi’s heritage and quality.
Baker just dropped a blue version of the Warner Jean Shorts. We previously covered the Warner shorts in black, but the blues are even better looking to be honest. Perhaps the Soldiers at Baker Boys heard our plea for more colors and obliged, or perhaps they just knew they had a Banger on their hands and decided to capitalize, but either way we’re stoked when we see some Slapping Shorts produced in more colorways. They’ve got the right length, proper bagginess, and the shade of blue is as pure as it gets for Jorts. 12 ounces of burl make sure they hold up to whatever missions you take them on and they’re embroidered with the words “The Greatest” for good measure. We’re not sure if that’s for the shorts, for Baker, or for the humble Soldier rocking them, but it fits regardless. They’re great, Baker is great, and anyone who runs Warner shorts is great.
For the Soldiers with refined taste and workwear sensibility, Carhartt WIP has the OG Double Knee short in blue denim. Double knee Jorts have been on the rise from lots of brands in the past few years, bringing that Tough Ass look to shorts that’s normally reserved for pants. These are even complete with carpenter pockets and a hammer loop, preserving all the best parts of Carhartt double knees with the added benefit of leg-cooling considering their Hefty 13.5 ounce material. It’s a lot to drag around on a hot day, but that’s the price of looking Tight.
OTHER GOOD GARMS
Supreme x Nike SB Air Max 2 CB ‘94 Low
This here is a Phoenix Suns blog. In fact, this is a vehemently pro-Charles Barkley blog. The former NBA MVP made his post-retirement career as an outspoken and unintentionally hilarious talking head on Inside the NBA and beyond, but before that he was dominating the court in the 90s and producing a mean line of signature shoes for Nike. Supreme is reviving the CB94 in low top form featuring quintessentially Supreme detailing and a classic trio of colorways. There’s 3M detailing to make these street ready. No word yet on how these skate, but they certainly look Sick as Hell. Stevie and Caleb Barnett are seen trying them out in the lookbook photos, which means we might get a little picnic table edit when they drop on Friday. Here’s hoping we get a Sir Charles photo tee to go with them.
Reebok x Sedan All-Purpose Collection
We see a football-inspired collab and we have to stop and peep. It’s always a Banger when it comes from Sedan All-Purpose, who fuses modern Japanese street design with 90s UK and British inspiration, heavy on the British football tip. This small collab with Reebok hits all the necessary notes in a 4 garm capsule: cap, tee, jacket, and football shirt. Using early 2000s Liverpool shirts as inspiration, they freaked the iconic Carslberg logo into a wacky Sedan All-Purpose one and chose long sleeves for the Real Ones. The cap and tee are also nice, but the jacket is the standout. It’s a Cracking trackie in a vintage check pattern with clean branding and a great fit. Whether you’re on the terraces or the couch, this one is a must for members of the Soccer Squadron.
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
West Wilson
Summer House is back and the focus is on the demise of Amanda and Kyle’s marriage (which they officially announced shortly before the season began airing). We’ve talked Shit about West Wilson in the past, but the guy is keeping it Very Real in the house this season. He’s calling out his fellow men when they’re acting like idiots (constantly), he’s back in Ciara’s good graces, and most importantly he’s the only one Dressing while the rest of those guys look like Revolve models. Outside the house he has become a vocal critic of Trump and MAGA and is a staunch supporter of women’s rights. In a world full of Jesse Solomons, be a West Wilson.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
Hey Dudes
Modern air travel is the best way to get exposed to all the evils and disappointments of the world we live in today. There is no greater signifier of the end of human civilization than the prevalence of Hey Dude shoes around this once great country, and navigating your way through a day of air travel surrounded by these abominations is a sure fire way to enter a deep depression. The things are absolutely everywhere and never not jarring to see. Usually they’re found on real life adult men, and we always find this completely confounding. It’s genuinely impossible for us to put ourselves in the mind of a Hey Dude enjoyer and try to see what may draw them to the goofiest shoes in history. There’s no chance they’ll follow the crocs arc (from clowned to ironically worn to Fashion staple) because they have absolutely no saving grace. They’re ugly as hell, a design basically stolen from those gross Sanuks but made even worse by trying to make them more formal by including a lace system and a sneaker like sole. Like Sanuks messed around with boat shoes and spawned something so heinous that it should’ve been put out of its misery immediately. The line has grown to include even more disgusting designs like weird boots and some wannabe Vans. Great news for the country music fans: the Jelly Roll collab is on the way! There’s a world of options to choose from when looking for an easy wearing slip-on shoe, so why reach for the ones that we first heard about from our mom seeing them on the Today show? Why on earth would you put something on your body with THIS LOGO. TWR only recognizes one Hey Dude and it ain’t those damn shoes!
ADDITIONAL INTELLIGENCE
February Footwear Release Recap
The Good Homies at Village Psychic dropped their monthly sneaker roundup for February. There’s nowhere better to get the lowdown on the deluge of footwear dropping every month. Who’s trying the Greasers?
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together. TWR sticker packs available here.