You're feelin' the change of the guard
THE WAR REPORT
Welcome The War Report. Men’s style has always been BAD but there’s been a dangerous decline for decades. Years of the average man dressing like a slob has given rise to today’s average man dressing like Shit. Personally, I blame Zara, Bravolebrities, social media, Bachelorette contestants, the collapse of our education system, and Fortnite, but this is not the point of The War Report. There will certainly be casualties, but this will mostly be a positive place where we share the Good Shit. We’re in the streets scouting the Hardest Shit so you never go into battle without the proper equipment.
TACTICAL UPDATES
LOWER UNIFORM
1 Truth Short by Palace Skateboards
1 Truth is a perfect name for these. It might be referencing the religious imagery emblazoned on the back, but Palace basketball shorts are the Truth, the Way, and the Life for anyone that’s opened themselves to the light. Per usual, the British are washing us at our own game. They’re roomy in the waist without being too big. They’re BASKETBALL SHORTS, so none of the short inseam BullShit that’s devastated the male legs like the 2025 version of polio (although the real thing may come soon). We’re bringing Length back unless you’re in the water. I have 4 different pairs of Palace hoop shorts from various seasons because they’re better than anything an actual basketball company has offered in decades. Wear em to the gym, on the court, bunning, skating, taking the kids to the playground, running errands, Chilling, bunning, or whatever you do. It’s a shame these particular ones released after the finale of The Righteous Gemstones. Kelvin coulda really freaked these :(
OUTERWEAR
Airis Full Zip Jacket by Quasi Skateboards
Every Soldier has heard, “you have too much fleece.” Every Soldier dismisses that ignorance and presses forward. Fleece has been a staple textile since the dawn of Cool and there’s always room for more in the footlocker. There are Good Fleece Jackets as far as the eye can see right now. (There are also Fucking Atrocities.) Quasi has an excellent apparel program, unsurprising given their team is exclusively Fitted Mother Fuckers. They usually include a very Dope Fleece with every season, and they always keep the patterns and color mixtures feeling fresh. The only thing more rewarding to a Soldier than hearing “what pants are those?” is a fellow Trooper rocking one of the garms in your wardrobe. This is clear evidence that you’re Stunting right. Many of us have a Quasi Fleece or two in our locker for when the temps drop and you need to Keep It Hot. Don’t be caught slippin. And support skateboarding brands that are giving more than just graphic tees and #content.
EQUIPMENT
Sci-Fi Daily Tote by Sci-Fi Fantasy
Most Soldiers get by with a backpack no matter what the scenario. As we spend more time in The Streets of Life, our baggage grows in more ways than one and we need to equip accordingly. It’s so much easier to get what you need from a tote when you’re Maneuvering compared to a backpack. This Sci-Fi one is perfect for every possible Operation. It’s big but not huge and the strap hits right for lugging it around. There’s a laptop compartment on one side and a large zippered compartment on the other with some storage pockets for whatever. You could pack 2 water bottles if you wanted, and the stash pockets on each side are great for keys and stuff. Once the Important Shit is secure, you can cram all the Other Shit in the middle and don’t sweat as much about it all bashing together. Sci-Fi Fantasy is the preferred bag manufacturer of The War Report because they’re well built with thoughtful details. Plus they look Tight. Sci-Fi is quietly the best at everything they do.
FIELD NOTES
SOLDIER OF THE WEEK
Meguro no Zidane aka Megu-Zida
Nothing beats a vintage football top and this mf has every single banger ever produced. You’ll find him stunting his incredible collection paired with domepiece slappers on his Instagram account. He’s got a separate account where you can Cop Up if something catches your eye. It’s always exciting to see what he’ll break out next.
ENEMY OF THE WEEK
The NBA Tunnel
I don’t know where to start. Every NBA player shows up to the arena looking like an episode of Stylists Gone Wild. They are calling it “aura” but it’s got more of a smell to me. Respect to the dudes who just rock team-issued or brand-issued sweatsuits and stay above the fray. There are certainly some Hitters, but most of them look like a caricature of a rap video or fashion week runway. How the fuck did Palm Angels become popular? The tunnel has done so much damage to fashion that Barcelona’s women’s team decided to scrap it altogether. Women always see it before we do.
You’re now up to speed on the latest from the battlefield. Use this intel wisely and pass it on to others who may need our guidance. We can’t win the war unless we’re in it together.
"women always see it before we do"
Damn. That shit went hard.
I have that Quasi fleece so I feel like I’m on the right track